How to complain without hurting your partner

How to complain without hurting your partner

How to complain without hurting your partner   This is a simple & effective way  to bring up difficult issues: 1) Choose your time carefully- ideally when you are both relaxed & getting on 2) Most of what we communicate is not through our words but through our tone & body language- so make sure that you are in the right frame of mind  by reminding yourself before you start of all the things you like about your partner-& the things that they do right! 3) Start with”I” + emotion, for instance, ” I am upset”, “I am hurt” , ” I am scared”. 4) Now name your complaint & make it SPECIFIC, for instance, ” that the kitchen was a mess this morning”, ”  ” when I look at our bank balance”. 5) Ask for what you need ( optional) for instance, ” we need to find better ways of managing our money”. Research shows that the beginning of a conversation predicts how it will end. In the best relationships people are gentle with each other. Start in the way you mean to go on. Some people, however gently you start a difficult discussion, have had so many bad experiences of feeling attacked & criticized in the past that they will feel attacked and get defensive no matter how you begin. In this case, the best thing to do is to clearly state that you don’t mean to attack or criticise them but  rather want  to let them know how this specific thing has made you feel  &  what they can do to help. it is important to...

Love shouldn’t hurt: when to say “Goodbye”

A lot of my work is with people who want to fix a relationship in difficulty- & for a lot of people & in a lot of situations that is very do-able & the relationship is worth saving. But I’ve also worked with people who are struggling to leave an abusive situation- men & women both. Some relationships are better let go. Some are corrosive & toxic & exhaust you & get you down. When emotional blackmail is involved the relationship can pull you both down. And when children are involved the situation can be even more damaging & difficult to manage for all involved. Unfortunately, some people are abusive  – physically &/or emotionally. It is sometimes hard to be clear-when you are on the receiving end of abuse & in the thick of it-whether a relationship is worth saving or not. So how do you know? Signs that you should go 1) The basis of a healthy relationship is friendship & respect. In the best relationships people are gentle with each other. Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t make you feel bad. It shouldn’t drain your energy & make you sad. 2) The other person has to want to be in the relationship as much as you do. This may seem obvious, but if the person you are involved with is not committed to the relationship or is clearly saying that they don’t want to be in a relationship with you- & in this actions speak as loudly as words-there is no future in pursuing it-you will only get hurt. 3) Pay attention to how you feel- what is...

The most common myth about relationships

The most common myth about relationships is that good communication is the key to better relationships. Now don’t get me wrong, good communication is important, but good communication is actually a sign of more fundamental things being right whereas poor communication is actually a symptom of more fundamental things going wrong. In a relationship that is working, the communication is good because both people feel supported, cared for & loved. When a relationship is working it is easy to communicate well – as we all know, if we think back to when we first met, when communication seemed so easy! In the early days of a relationship, when both people have positive expectations & experiences of the relationship, most couples can communicate well. That creates a positive spiral effect were people are relaxed & happy talking to each other because they are confident that their partner will listen & engage with them positively about the things that are on their mind & that are important to them. This happens naturally at the beginning of relationships because people usually feel supported & appreciated,at that time, by the other person. In long-term relationships that work well, that continues to be the pattern & there continues to be a positive spiral of positivity with both people feeling supported and cared for & seeing & appreciating the good in each other. So when there is conflict, as there always is, at some level in relationships, it quickly fizzles out. It is as if, even in the midst of an argument, each partner, in the back of their mind has a little voice saying -hey-let’s...
Relationship Success Workshop

Relationship Success Workshop

Relationships come in all forms: life partners, friends, family, teachers, work colleagues, community and with ourselves. They play an important role in our overall happiness, wellbeing and fulfillment in life. Studies show that strong and lasting relationships help to contribute to long and healthy lives. Is there a relationship in your life that you struggle with and would like to improve? Are you wanting to create a relationship in your life now or in the future? This one day workshop will empower you with knowledge, skills and understanding of relationships: what makes them work, what makes the break down, how to strengthen & protect them and allow them to grow. Through exercises, information, discussion and guided imagery, you will learn how to reduce conflict, make small changes that can strengthen the quality of your relationships, understand the essentials of a strong relationships, learn skills for communicating difficult issues without hurting someone, and find out the key factors in what makes a relationship last or breakdown. Based on 40 years of research from Psychologist John Gottman’s Institute in Seattle, and drawing on the Human Givens approach to Psychotherapy, this workshop is suitable for beginners and experts alike, whether you are single or in a relationship, this workshop will empower you to create and maintain healthy and nurturing relationships, personally and professionally. For more details and to book a place please click the link below: http://www.chrysalis.ie/event-registration/?ee=106  ...